Wednesday, May 17, 2017

With No Regrets

We know that every day is a gift from God, but this weekend felt like an extra-special gift. After weeks of splitting headaches which caused confusion and fatigue, Ed's headaches were greatly reduced. This was most likely the result of the steroid he was taking before his brain surgery. It was wonderful to be able to communicate with Ed without his eyes clouded with pain.

In the past I've wondered what I would do if I knew I had only one more day with my loved ones. I hoped that I was living my life in such a way that nothing much would change and I wouldn't have to hurry and restore my relationships with God or others. I'm certainly not perfect, but with the power of Christ, I aim to live with no regrets.

On Monday afternoon Ed had a quick appointment with the doctor. Afterward we stopped next door at Brusters and sat in the sunshine licking ice cream cones. Except for the buttons on his head marking his skull for brain surgery the next day, it felt like quiet date with my husband.

Ed and I talked about the risks of brain surgery. We both felt a peace about progressing forward with surgery but were also aware of the risks involved. I told Ed that if something happened and we only had these fifteen years together, he had still given me the best fifteen years of my life. Even though we have made mistakes through the years, I was glad that we didn't have conflict that we had to patch up.

Thank you so much for all your prayers for Ed's surgery yesterday. I've given up responding to all your emails and comments, but I do read each one. I'm humbled and honored by the hundreds of people who have surrounded us with prayer.

Yesterday's surgery was scheduled for 12:30 but some other emergencies pushed his surgery time back to 2:00. The afternoon dragged but many of Ed's family and a few friends stayed with me at the hospital giving their tangible support with their presence. Yesterday was one of those perfect May days and for a while we sat on the hospital courtyard soaking in the lovely weather.

It was nearly 6:00 when we were give word that Ed was out of surgery and, not long afterward, the neurosurgeon came out to give us his report of the surgery. The doctor felt that surgery had went well and he was able to remove a good portion of the tumor. Ed's bleeding was minimal and he had responded well to surgery.

During surgery they did a quick testing on a sample of the tumor. More thorough testing needs done in the coming days but, from this preliminary test, the tumor appears to be cancerous.

And so, within minutes we had conflicting emotions. We praised God that surgery went well. I'm quite aware that I could have become a widow while Ed was still on that operating table. I'm glad I've been given more time with Ed. Yet we fear for what the "C" word means for our future and  worry about the treatment decisions that will need to be made.

But we know that the God who has carried us through the last few days will be with us in the next weeks as well. Please continue to pray for the peace of His abiding presence with us.

I'm typing this in the wee hours of Wednesday morning. Ed had a lot of pain last night, but he is resting now. He is in ICU so the nurses can monitor him closely. The nurses have given me a recliner beside Ed's bed. I was able to sleep for a while but I know many of you are wondering how surgery went and wanted to give an update. Thanks again for your prayers.

I love your emails and comments, but can I ask that you not share a medical advice? At this point the treatment options are too overwhelming for me to consider. I'm trying to take this one day at a time. Just pray that God will give us wisdom. Thanks for understanding.

84 comments :

  1. Don't worry I don't have any medical advice to share, except put your trust in the Great Physician. I just wanted to say thank you for taking time to keep us posted. You and your family are in my prayers.

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  2. Upholding you and all the family in prayer !

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  3. Isaiah40 :28-31 : « … the Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary ; his understanding is unserachable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strengh. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted ; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strengh ; they shall mount up with wings like eagles ; they shall run and not be weary ; they shall walk and not faint. »

    Praying for you all from Belgium, Gina. Your blog is a blessing (by the way, I am reading « The calvary Road » recommend by you weeks ago). My entire family and in laws live in another countries/ continent, so I am thankful to the Lord that you are surrounded by the love and support of your family and community.

    Zita

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  4. Gina I've been following your blog for a while now and I've been praying & anxiously waiting for updates on Ed'a surgery. I thank God he came through well and that the Lord wrapped you in His peace through those hours in surgery. I'm so sorry to hear that the tumor is cancerous, the C word is a scary thing for anyone to hear. Praying for wisdom for his doctors in what needs to be done, for the Lord's peace to continue to cover you all, that His grace would fill in every little rough place, that Ed would be fully healed and all glory given to God. I'm so sorry you are having to walk through this, we can hold onto the promise that He is with us in the deep waters. God bless you guys I think of you often up here in Maine. ((Hugs))

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  5. So glad to get an update. Thank you. We will fix our eyes upon the Lord, asking Him to heal Ed. May you sense His dear presence each and every moment. Praying on here in Texas.

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  6. Thanks for the update, Prayers.. that you will feel God holding you up during this time.

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  7. i have been a long time follower of your blog (though i have never commented) and was saddened to read about ed's condition. you and your family are in my thoughts.

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  8. I'm so sorry that the tumor is cancerous. I was praying that it wasn't. And I'm glad his surgery went well, and hope he's not in too much pain, no matter what God is going to take care of Ed and you and your family..no matter what happens, god will be holding your hands all the way though. Big Hugs!!!! thanks for updating I've been checking in to see how Ed was doing.

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  9. You were on my mind often yesterday. So grateful you have NO REGRETS. That's a beautiful testimony. Will continue to pray for wisdom and the right path for your family. "Underneath are the everlasting arms." I'm so glad our Father God is holding you.

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  10. Thank you for the update. A long time ago the Lord laid these words on my heart....
    When ye are weak, then ye are strong, because I AM your strength.
    A wall of prayer is surrounding y'all!!

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  11. Thank you for the update. God bless and keep you guys. Praying praying.

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  12. Abiding in Hope and Faith and Love, we are with your family, continuously in prayer. Heart Hugs for each of you!

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  13. Thank you for so thoughtfully updating us all, even though I know you have so much on your mind and so many other things you could have done instead. I'm glad to hear surgery went well, but sad to hear that it looks like cancer. I prayed for you yesterday and I'll keep you all in prayer as you walk this unexpected, unwanted path with the many decisions that need to be made. You have been an inspiration to me so many times, Gina, and I wish I could do something to make this all easier - but I know that prayer does more than we sometimes realize. God bless and keep you all today!

    Mary Beth Martin

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  14. Thanks for the update on Ed. Please let him know we miss him here at work.
    Will continue to pray for him and the family.
    Michelle

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  15. Gina, We are praying and will pray. I will be in special prayer for your family at Noon.

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  16. Praise G-d in the small things, and He will take care of the big things. Many prayers are going up for you, your husband, and your children. Major events such as this can be upsetting for everyone, and I am praying for strength for all of you.

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  17. Thank you for updating. We will continue to pray for your family as you face this journey with cancer. Christine

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  18. Praying for you, Ed and your family.

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  19. Good news mixed with bad, joy mixed with sorrow. Oh, how I had hoped and prayed that brain surgery would put an end to this frightening chapter in your life, but instead there's more to the story. The only solid footing I find in this is the knowledge the God is bigger than cancer, and no matter how this story ends, God will give you the grace to live it.

    May the peace and grace of God be a tangible reality in your turned-upside-down world.

    Stephanie

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  20. Thank you for the update. I'm sorry that you are looking at cancer now. Prayers

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  21. Thank you for taking the time to update your readers on Ed's condition. Prayers that you will find peace and comfort in the coming days and weeks.

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  22. May the peace of the Lord be with you
    Siobhan

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  23. We're praying for you and Ed and your children. And in the middle of hard times, your testimony has encouraged me; thank you. Psalm 40:1-3 "I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the Lord." - Suz

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  24. Today is May 17 .... I think that means you have a birthday Gina...I'm sure this is the hardest birthday you have ever had ... Hope you can find some special blessings somewhere along the way today.... rosy

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  25. Tears pouring down my face... I can't imagine the emotions that you and Ed are feeling now. I praise God along with you for a surgery that went well. I plead with prayers that God fill you two with wisdom and peace. Your testimony touchs me deep in my soul and I thank God for your faith!!

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  26. Thank you so much for the update.

    I've been told that the most used phrase in the Bible is 'fear not' so please don't fear anything that lies ahead. Just live in the now knowing God is with you and that He is bigger than cancer and that He calls things that be not as if they were.

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  27. Our prayers are with you,and I think of you often! May God's grace sustain you and give you strength as you are on this difficult journey.

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  28. Gina,
    Love to you and your family {> Praying that Ed will be on the mend soon!

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  29. Tears. I keep typing and deleting.... I have a pretty good imagination but it balks at trying to envision what you're going through! My heart aches for your children in the middle of this confusion in their stable world. Praying for wisdom, peace and Grace.

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  30. My daughter and I are praying.

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  31. Romans 8, 28
    Marion from Germany

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  32. You and Ed are in my families prayers... I'm am so thankful I stumbled upon your blog a couple weeks ago. I believe our Lord put me in your path to add my humble prayers to the many
    others that are being lifted up on y'alls behalf.

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  33. God is sending you on a mission the mission of cancer it's not easy but God promises to be with you in everything you go through. My husband had cancer 11 years ago I know what your going through. Praying that you will always have the peace of God and some one to walk along side you.

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  34. Prayers to you and your lovely family. May God give you the grace and courage needed as you travel this road ahead. He knows your every need and will not fail either Ed or you.
    Blessings,
    Betsy

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  35. thank you so much for the update when you must have a trillion other things on your mind! my medical advice is advice that you already know - love The Lord, love Ed, love those beautiful children...and please, please take some downtime for yourself. you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders right now. give some of that to Jesus. i know you have big shoulders but so does Jesus.

    there are tons of people praying...and i believe that when that happens - then miracles happen. please promise to take care of yourself. xox

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  36. Dear Gina,

    Yes, as you said - one step at a time. God is right there with you and Ed and He will guide you to make the best choice. God bless you and Ed and the children and all your family and friends who are with you.

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  37. Gina I don't know you personally but I have for a number of years stopped by your blog occasionally. I am from Southern ON, I stopped by again a few days ago and read your recent updates did spark my interest, 3 years ago this summer my brother at the age of 33 was diagnosed with brain tumour. I can testify in spite of it being a journey nobody would have chosen, for him or his family, God is GOOD and His grace is Sufficient!
    My heart goes out to you and your family. May you feel his everlasting arms around you during this time. Duet 33:27 MariJane Horst

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  38. Prayers all the way from Germany! I´ve been reading your post quite frequently and appreciate your insight a lot. Anne

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  39. Praying in KY.So sorry you are facing this.

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  40. Oh Gina... You're in our constant thoughts​ and prayers!! Continue to lean on our father as you face this uncertainty. May His peace continue to surround you. Hugs!

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  41. Gina, just want to add a comment too, although I'm not sure I've ever commented here before (maybe once or twice). I appreciate what you share on your blog and care and pray about all that's happening in your lives! (I was at the L.A. street meetings one year that Ed was there.) God bless you all with much grace! Jo

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  42. Thank you for taking the time to update us. My thoughts, as always, are with you and your loving family.

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  43. I've copied and pasted your last paragraph for reference - you word it so simply and that's such a good way to prevent hearing those things without coming across the wrong way, or not saying anything and getting a bit hurt - thanks so much.

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  44. You folks have been in my prayers and thoughts ever since I first read about Ed's health. It was so nice of you to post an update - - thank you. My prayer partners and I shall continue to surround you all with prayer. May God bless you and Ed and the medical staff with discernment and guidance, and may you, Ed, and your family be blessed with encouragement, comfort, healing and the peace which comes only from God.

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  45. Continuing to lift you up in prayer.

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  46. Thank you, Gina, for your update on Ed 's surgery. Praise God that the surgery was successful! We are still praying that the tumor is not cancerous. God has you both in His loving hands. He is the all-knowing & loving Father to His children. God will give you both comfort & peace to get through this crisis. God is in your hearts & minds & lives ... as you said, no regrets. Every moment is precious ... cherish these God-given moments. And cherish your 6 God-given special gifts ... your children. You are all a beautiful family! We will continue to pray for all of you. In God's love, Carol.

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  47. Love and prayers for you and your family - for healing in Ed's body, for comfort and security for your children in the midst of much upheaval, for physical strength for extended family and friends who are helping to care for your family, for you and Ed to have divine wisdom and guidance in making decisions and choices, and for you, Gina, our VERY present HELP in trouble, the Prince of Peace Himself, to be your stay. Trust in His Grace for each moment.

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  48. God bless you both, your beautiful children and families. My prayers are with you.
    JoAnna in Florida

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  49. My thoughts and prayers are with you all. I have found the verse "Footprints" such a wonderful thing, and in my minds eye I see the Lords single set of footprints and know I am being carried. God bless you always, Sue xx

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  50. Gina, I have followed your blog for several years and been inspired it. My prayers are with you, Ed and your family. Mary T

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  51. Continued love and prayers from northern Pa. If I can do more, let me know.

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  52. I will continue to pray for Ed for you, and your family as you walk this journey; but you do not walk alone. I keep thinking of the old chorus "Isn't the love of Jesus something wonderful". Where would we be without the Savior lifting us up? Ongoing prayers, from Bastrop Texas; Grace Mennonite Fellowship

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  53. I will not give you medical or treatment advice, but I will give you words of wisdom. Listen to those with experience. I lost my mom, an aunt, a mother in law, and a father in law to cancer and have known many others who had it too and passed. The only thing they had in common was they all chose the medical route for their only treatment. Research alternatives. They are out there. God works in amazing and miraculous ways and will give you wisdom and sometimes that comes in very unexpected ways and resources. I will continue to pray that He leads you both to the path he wants you to take for ultimate healing. Blessings and Peace.

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  54. We are praying here in North Dakota too!! 💟

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  55. One of the first things our son Benjamin asked this morning was if we heard any news about Ed. We've been praying faithfully for all of you and will continue to do so. Sending loads of love and blessings of strength... The Canfields

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  56. Dear Gina,

    I've been listening closely to your story in the last week, though I haven't been able to think of anything appropriate to say. I love your word "carried." Today I remember you wordlessly to Jesus.

    You are loved!
    Shari

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  57. Your family is in my heart and prayers...

    In His Grip...
    Alice

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  58. Prayers from Tennessee

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  59. My heart goes out to you and your family. In times like these my words feel so powerless. I have lost loved ones to cancer, including my mom. The darkest of times have a way of making all the good shine through with such brilliance, giving respite from our heart aches. I dearly hope that you find much relief and peace in the goodness of those who love you and in new friends. <3

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  60. Thank you for the update. We have been praying for Ed. We have added him (& you & family) to our prayer list. We will continue to do so. May God hold you in His perfect peace.
    ((hugs))
    Renata

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  61. Prayers for a speedy recovery and the restoration of Ed's health. May peace be with you both.

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  62. Your family and the medical staff are in my prayers.

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  63. I really love your blog, I've got a lot from it since I've been a reader, recipes and attitudes! I tend toward humor when I don't know what to say. Joke: Brain surgeon to patient after surgery: "Well, I'm sorry to say the tumor is inoperable, but let me give you something for that awful dandruff."

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  64. And one for the kids: Do you know what's the smartest fish? The brain sturgeon

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  65. I will keep your family in my prayers.

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  66. Gina,
    Prayers for Ed and for you all; may God be your strength~
    Hugs,
    Carolyn

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  67. Journeying with you...

    Love and Prayers, Lynda (in Tasmania)

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  68. Your blog has been such a blessing over the past couple of years. Thank you for that. Now, your family is in my prayers. May God give you much peace and comfort, and, the healing you so desire for your husband. Thank you for keeping us posted.

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  69. I am very sorry. Watching this journey develop on your blog reminds me how quickly life can change. Prayers.

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  70. Thank you SO much for the update, Gina...for keeping us social media friends updated when miles separate! Our small church family has been lifting your family up to our Abba Father, and will continue to do so. Thank you, too, for your well-written reminder to pray for wisdom for treatment options...may the Great Physician give you His wisdom. Love & prayers, Randy & Eunice

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  71. Long tome reader/lurker here. Thank you for updating us on Ed's condition. Your family has been on my mind much this last few days. I, too, am praying for you all. Tiffany F
    Philippians 4:6-7

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  72. I will continue to pray for you and your family for wisdom and peace. Thank you for sharing this update. I have been checking. I wish I had something else that I could say that would help but please know that I will pray for you.

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  73. Thinking of your family often this week...praying for you! God loves you so much and is with you every step- we are with you too!

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  74. Praying for you especially and for your family that you will be supported in the everlasting arms. It's so encouraging to hear the peace in your blogging.

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  75. Praying that Ed is speedily recovering, and will be free of headaches and will be clear thinking going forward. Praying for his complete recovery! Hugs!
    Ps 9:1 & 2, I will praise You Lord with all my heart, I will tell of all the marvelous things you have done. I will be filled with joy because of You, I will sing praises to Your name, Oh Most High!

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  76. Oh, Gina! I am just now catching up my reading on your blog. I don't know what to say. My heart and thoughts with you and your family. I wish there was more I could do, but you all will be in my prayers.

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  77. Our Great Physician and healer will lead you in the days to come. May He bless you with strength and wisdom I pray for His wondrous healing for your husband in the name of Yeshua. There is much power in his name and through His name many are healed.He is the greatest and best Physician He is your Keeper and your Rock,your Hiding place and Shelter from the storm that rages around you He has y'all in his hands."God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in time of trouble. Therefore will not we fear though the earth be removed band the mountains be carried in to the midst of the sea, though the waters thereof roar and be troubled..." "Be still and know that I am God..." Psalm 46 He will be with you. With prayer and love, Kayleigh

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  78. Dear Gina,
    Praying for the peace of God that passes all understanding, to fill your heart and mind. Praying that you and Ed will continue to feel God's presence very near and praying that God will guide you in making the decisions that He knows are best!
    Love and prayers from Alaska,
    Gail

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